So, I've gone from eating every crappy food in sight to not eating at all. My stomach is in knots and nothing seems appetizing. My growling belly tells me I'm hungry but nothing looks worthy of eating.
I'm just worried about the PET scan tomorrow. I'm trying not to worry about anything until it's time to worry but a lot rests on what this PET scan tells us. Will Al need chemo or radiation? Will Al be out of work for the next three months or maybe just a couple of days? Should I continue with school or postpone it? Will we be able to conceive children the "natural" way or will we have to depend on the banked sperm? And the most trite reason of all, will we be able to go on our Disney trip with our friends and family?
I can't even think about that one right now. Like I said, I know it's kind of selfish to think about when there are so many more important things but the sheer build up of this trip...I can't even put it into words that would do the feeling justice. It's just this swelling feeling of excitement inside you! Disney is magical, especially around Christmas time! Even more special this year was that we are going to experience it through the eyes of a child, Julia, and share the experience with Jen and Steve as well as cousins we don't see nearly enough.
But if Al happens to have to go the chemo route, then we'll take it head on and deal with it then. There will always be other trips. I want Al around to plan and take those trips! Sometimes, in the last month, I get really emotional just looking at him. Sometimes I fall in love with him all over again. I can't imagine not having him as my better half. This whole situation has really made me realize how much I take him for granted without even realizing it.
I want to leave you with a video that always brings a happy tear to my eye and leaves me smiling!
I can't even think about that one right now. Like I said, I know it's kind of selfish to think about when there are so many more important things but the sheer build up of this trip...I can't even put it into words that would do the feeling justice. It's just this swelling feeling of excitement inside you! Disney is magical, especially around Christmas time! Even more special this year was that we are going to experience it through the eyes of a child, Julia, and share the experience with Jen and Steve as well as cousins we don't see nearly enough.
But if Al happens to have to go the chemo route, then we'll take it head on and deal with it then. There will always be other trips. I want Al around to plan and take those trips! Sometimes, in the last month, I get really emotional just looking at him. Sometimes I fall in love with him all over again. I can't imagine not having him as my better half. This whole situation has really made me realize how much I take him for granted without even realizing it.
I want to leave you with a video that always brings a happy tear to my eye and leaves me smiling!
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